It All Goes Wrong At Once !!

MY MAN

My gorgeous amazing man. Why you?!

28th of March 2018 out of nowhere his Left Lung collapsed – He spent 8 days and 8 nights in Hospital and he was only 28!

15th of July 2018 his Right Lung collapsed and he nearly Died waiting an hour for an Ambulance – He spent 6 days and 5 nights in Hospital and he is only 29!

The love of my life for 10 years and 2 months! I cannot handle another thing happening to him! He does not deserve it! Why him?!

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Surgery in London is necessary. It breaks my heart that I will not be there with him. I cannot drive and I cannot afford to stay in London for the 3-4 nights he may be there. At this time I am not even sure how we are going to get him to and from surgery in London but we will figure it out.

One lung collapsing = Spontaneous Pnuemothorax. This can happen to a healthy slim tall male in their 20s. There is then a small risk of it happening again to the same lung within 3 years and again in their 60’s.

It is rare for someone to experience a Pnuemothorax in their other Lung only a few months after the opposite one collapsed. It’s not unheard of for it to happen to the same lung.

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So why is this happening? What is the cause? Well we don’t know yet.

A CT Scan has been booked for a couple of weeks time when the Right Lung has healed more. Then we are waiting for his consultation with the London Surgeon to discuss what surgery he is having.

In the meantime he is at high risk of both lungs collapsing!

I am terrified. Heartbroken is an understatement. I still feel in shock. It’s not about me I know but I am struggling to hold it together. I want to break down, hold him tight and never let him go. I do not want to leave him for a moment. I want him close to the hospital. I’m a helicopter girlfriend right now.

I did some research on the British Lung Foundation website and it indicates that a Second Pneumothorax tends to mean there is an Underlying problem like Lung Disease or COPD or something!!

Really?!?!?! Is that the type of news he has coming to him after experiencing 2 failed organs in 3 months? God help him please!

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Each time he was admitted to A+E he was rushed into the Resuscitation room.

They do a procedure called Aspiration where they make an opening in his chest and remove 2.5 litres of air with a Syringe. The air is surrounding his deflated lung keeping it crushed and deflated. After this they wait for 4 hours whilst he is on Oxygen. Once the 4 hours is up they X-ray him in the hope his Lung has inflated. If it is inflated he can be monitored for a few hours and go home.

Neither times has it worked for him. Therefore the second procedure is necessary. A Chest Drain!

The hole that was used for Aspiration is made bigger to insert the Tube. The tube leads down into a Tub which is less than quarter full with water. As long as there are Bubbles coming out of the tube into the water there is a Hole in his Lung. Once the bubbling Stops the hole/holes have Closed and the lung will Inflate.

One of the most frustrating moments was when we learnt that an x-ray cannot show holes. So we did not know how big the hole was, how many holes there were or where the hole was. 

As I said previously the first time it took his left lung 8+ days in hospital. Then when he was discharged his lung was only partially inflated and a third full of fluid – said to be Blood. For 4 weeks he went back for x-rays with his results remaining the same. 

Finally they saw his lung was inflated and had less fluid in it. He was waiting for a referral for a CT Scan to see if they can see whether there are any underlying causes. At this time we were quite confident it was just a one off spontaneous pnuemothorax.

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Little did we know he would be back in hospital 3/4 months later with his Right Lung. This time it was worse however it did not take as long to stop bubbling. He has a CT Scan due in a couple of weeks and we are expecting something to show. There must be an underlying cause. As much as I want to know I am terrified. He has been so strong and trying his best not to worry at the moment. He is home concentrating on recovering whilst he waits for his CT Scan, appointment with the Surgeon and Surgery.

I was with him every day he was in hospital from the start to the end of visiting hours and when I was not with him I was messaging him until he managed to fall asleep. It is so sad he will very likely have to face this Surgery alone, out of town, in London.

He has been so strong and amazing I know he will get through it. I’ve watched him go through all of the procedures awake and I do not know how he’s allowed them to do any one of them. I’d be running out of there screaming.

His family were not present apart from his Nan. My parents were on Holiday this time. It was just me and him and we got through it. We will continue to get through anything together. He is my world, my heart, my soul, my everything.

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The Respiratory ward they moved him to both times seemed to only be filled with patients no younger than 70. He got on with them wonderfully, lifted their spirits, listened to them, encouraged them, laughed with them, he is a joy to have a round (but i already know that). The patients families would look at him all concerned because he was the youngest. One lady assumed he was a victim of a stabbing, no one we spoke to could believe he had a collapsed lung let alone 2. The nurses have been wonderful.

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The first time he experienced a Pneumothorax he felt awful for a week or more but shrugged it off because he hates doctors appointments and didn’t want to take time off of work. After a few days of feeling like he had a chest infection, bad ribs and shoulder his GP referred him to the hospital for an x-ray.

He was allowed to leave the hospital after the x-ray and wait for his results via his GP. They saw the x-ray after he left the hospital and contacted his GP Surgery to get hold of him to tell him to return to the hospital immediately. He had forgotten to update any of his contact details with his GP Surgery because he rarely ever used them. This meant that they couldn’t get hold of him on his old phone number.

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The following day, still unbeknown to us, they had sent the police and an ambulance to our old address and were ready to knock the door down! They then got through to his Mum on the phone who gave them his up to date contact details.

They were frantically looking for him because they assumed from the results of his x-ray that he would not be able to breathe and they had a duty of care to check he had not collapsed unconscious somewhere.

His x-ray showed only 1 inflated lung.

He woke up that morning to the Police on the phone telling him to go straight to the hospital but wouldn’t tell him why.

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He phoned me just as he was leaving for the hospital. I was at work so I jumped into a friends car and we arrived at the hospital at the same time. We stood at the Hospital reception for an hour whilst the receptionist kindly tried to contact his GP to find out the results of his x-ray and why the police were after him. His GP surgery did not answer the phone for close to an hour then we got the shocking news. He was admitted there and then.

How on earth did he Work and go about normal activities in that state.

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We thought it was a freak rare occurrence. Then 3/4 months later his opposite lung goes. Unlike last time within 10 minutes he is in excruciating unbearable pain and he loses his breath and struggles to breath. I call an ambulance and it took an hour to get to us. Incredible considering where we live is the main road for the emergency services and they go down it with their sirens on dozens of times a day. But I was told that the ambulance service cover several counties not just ours.

The ambulance services hung up the phone on me at one point because they had to take other calls. They told me to call them back if he gets any worse. I cried that he is getting worse. At this point an ambulance was not on route. He was taking ridiculously short breaths and was not responsive, he could not move himself or feel like he could be moved by my brother in law into the car because he had already fought to catch a breath for 40mins by this point and thought he was dying.

I let the girl hang up on me because she honestly did not understand the seriousness of his situation and was so busy she had stopped listening. I phoned straight back and got through to a guy and again explained that he had a collapsed lung a few months back and now he feels like they have both gone. The operator put him straight to the highest priority but there was still no ambulance available. Once one became available they got from one side of the town to us within minutes.

As we know our Emergency services and NHS staff are stretched thin with Cuts left right and centre – well that Sunday it could not have been more evident. I am now terrified of relying upon the emergency services in the case of another emergency.

HIS WORK

We will need to wait to find out what the future looks like for him. As it stands he has been working full time for the past few years at a company who gave him compassionate leave for the days he was in hospital but now it is SSP whilst he is home recovering, going through tests and waiting for surgery. I may need to see if we can get help from the government but I know how difficult they are if one of us has an income.

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I then wonder when he is fit and well whether a career change is necessary due to stability but most of all health. I do not believe he should be doing a manual job. He will need to look into getting work in an office perhaps or outside in the fresh air.

Leaving a job for a new one is always risky. Especially with health problems. You need a bit of time under your belt within a company before they provide you any support. However it is a risk I think he needs to take sooner rather than later. Returning to a manual job isn’t a good idea. At first he will be on lighter duties but that will only be temporary. I know he wont want to leave his current occupation either so it is all very unfair. 

HOME

We need to move home. This old Victorian flat is terrible. I am fighting damp and mould all year round and it is a full time job. You can imagine how anal and OCD I am being now I know he has problems with his lungs and it’s too much to stay on top of or to be satisfied with.

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I literally want everything to be sterilised and new. There is too much work to do if we stay here and 1. we cannot afford the work 2. he cannot do the work to the house 3. the landlord refuses to do anything to help us with anything – literally!

If we were to stay I need the back of the House to have a professional add a Damp proof course – I need the carpets pulled up and Damp proof stuff put down under new flooring and to repaint the walls where the damp and cleaning products have destroyed all of our hard work. I need a new bed and mattress. New kitchen cupboards. I have thrown away so much furniture and clothes because the damp touches it and destroys it like wild-fire. Are we living on a damn swamp?

Makes me feel so dirty. Makes me feel like I cannot protect him. When in the truth of it I am one of the cleanest people I know. Nicknamed Monica from Friends. I clean everything top to bottom and inside out, literally.

So moving home is on the top of our To Do list once we return to work and can afford to.

HOME UPDATE

Whilst typing this I received a Text from my ‘Estate Agent’ the Landlords brother. They want us to sign a new tenancy agreement this week!

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They are changing the name of the Letting Agency and would like to increase our Rent by £85 a month making it £685 a month starting this month!

We cannot afford it. For the reasons I have already mentioned above. The estate agent is really pushing for a date and time to meet over the next week to sign this agreement. If we decline I am positive he will give us our months notice.

So yes, I may have wanted to move home but not within the next month. We have nowhere to go, no savings and no back up plan.

If I sign the tenancy we will struggle to pay for everything and we will get ourselves in a mess. We will not be able to save to move out as quickly as we need to. I have no idea how long he needs to recover but I will make sure he takes the time required without this added pressure – somehow.

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I may need to speak to my parents and see if there is any possibility of us moving in there for a couple of months to give us the chance to save and move to a suitable home.

If, and that is a very big if, we can move to my parents I then have the concern of who is going to help with the heavy lifting at the time of the move. Normally my man can do everything. My Dad can’t help due to poor health. I’m hoping friends/colleagues will make time for us. 

DAD

Then whilst all of this has been going on my Dad has suffered with Strokes. This is new. This is on top of all of his Unstable Angina attacks over the last few years and recently being diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease. He isn’t even 60 yet.

MY WORK 

I am taking some time off of work. This stemmed from me asking my manager if the work can be allocated fairly and equally across the team considering we get paid the same. I have always had the largest workload by far. This request resulted in a meeting with 3 managers and them discrediting everything I do, stripping me of my duties and telling me to take time off. They also said some disgraceful things that I cannot repeat here in fear of it jeopardising my job but HR are aware and supporting me.

My management wanted me to go through Occupational health before I return to work because they want to put it on my Mental Health/Chronic Illness rather than believe what both my Doctor and I have already expressed – I am stressed at work because of work.

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My management do not want to make changes within the Team. That is fine but what is not fine is them turning against me and putting me through all of this after a simple request to be treated fairly. Just what I need – to be scrutinised by a third party doctor on behalf of my company.

An important thing to note is I accepted this Job because I was told I would be paid more. Therefore I accepted this workload in the belief I would be on more money. The money did not happen. Too make up for that I was told they would train me enough to give me the skills I need to leave for a better paid role but instead they have left me drowning in work whilst giving team members, who all have smaller workload, all of the opportunities. So I simply asked that the work is allocated fairly so we have the same time to get equal opportunities and BOOM! 

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I saw the Occupational Health Dr today. He is going to report back to my company what I and my Doctor expressed. I am stressed because of work. I am fit to work but they need to listen to my concerns. If they do not listen to my concerns future absences are likely. I do not need prescription medication. Thank God!!

My supervisor has been pushing for months that I go to the Dr and get anti-depressants instead of accepting that changes need to be made within the team. This was reiterated by my managers manager when he knows nothing about me, he only knows what my supervisor and manager have told him.. Well Hip Hip Hooray not only my Doctor but also their Doctor have both confirmed that I do not need medication and work need to do something about the workload.

Next step is Mediation with HR, my management and myself next week. Then I return to work the same day.

It’s going to be hard to put the way they have behaved and what they have put me through behind me. I’m not fake in the slightest and unfortunately I cannot wear a smile on demand although at times I wish I could. I need to return to work with the right attitude. I wish I had a chance in my time of to heal and return feeling relaxed but I am still pissed off, hurt, upset and do not want to be there.

The plan was to look for another job but with all that has been going on I had to put that on hold. It is also a risk to go into a new job when I need stability. So I know I need to just suck it up, go back and let the haters hate.

 SUMMARY

2018 sucks!

hear

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My Chronic Diseases – Glow Health

Find my story here: https://www.gofundme.com/SupportGlow

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Last year was the first time I spoke out. I felt ashamed as well as embarrassed.

That was before over 100 of you reached out with your own struggles and experiences. 

I no longer feel alone. I feel empowered. The support I have received has been incredible – glowing!

For the past 12years I have been a sufferer of several Chronic Illnesses that are causing repetitive physical side effects.

*Autonomic Nervous System Disorder
*Sympathetic Nervous System Dysfunction
*Fibromyalgia 
*Widespread Chronic Pain
*Severe Anxiety
*Chronic Stress

Apparently it’s my Autonomic Nervous System. I have no control over it. 

It is caused by stress.. whether I feel stressed or not I will be physically ill every single day.
  
*Keep an eye on my Blog to find out about each one of my illnesses in more detail – I will be writing about it soon.

https://glowthinksoutloud.wordpress.com/

It all started when I was 16. I moved out of home and things were tough. I was in an abusive relationship.. he had a lot of issues. I changed as a person pretty quickly. I was just too young to know what to do about it. 

After also experiencing a few issues as a child and as a teenager I somehow attracted controlling abusive men.

*Keep an eye on my Blog to find out more about what happened with my ex boyfriend – I will be writing about it soon.

https://glowthinksoutloud.wordpress.com/

Led on the floor late at night I would experience the worst, most excruciating stomach pains.. Like level 9 pain!! The doctors there and then said it was IBS and I needed to learn to live with it. 

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I thought to myself back then, how the heck do I learn to live with it?!

I stayed with him for another year – a year from hell. Moved home a total of 4 times together. The pain followed me everywhere.

Half a year later I met up with Mr Glow. We were in the same year at the same school but we’d never spoke. 

I moved in with him pretty quick – 2 months in – it was a whirlwind romance and it still is 10 years on! Everything i’d ever wished for in a man.

*Keep an eye on my Blog to find out more about how Mr Glow and I met and how our last 10years have been – I will be writing about it soon

https://glowthinksoutloud.wordpress.com/

I was trying everything at this point to ignore the stomach pain. . over the counter meds, prescriptions and eliminating things out of my diet. Nothing helped. 

I then started to go through a very stressful time at work. I had just turned 18 and I was working in a high volume call centre. 

*Keep an eye on my Blog to find out more about what happened at my job before I became extremely ill – I will be writing about it soon

https://glowthinksoutloud.wordpress.com/

On top of the stress, I couldn’t get up from my desk without experiencing what felt like vertigo and nausea accompanied by panic. 

The doctors had no clue what was wrong with me and referred me to the Ear Nose And Throat Department of the Hospital. They laughed when then saw me and said it’s nothing to do with my ENT I need to be referred to a Gastroenterologist. 

Now, you can imagine how long I have to wait for each referral, blood test and invasive tests. All coming up clear.    

Then I get what feels like a sickness bug. I couldn’t keep solids or liquids down. 

Unlike a sickness bug this never stopped. 

At the time I had a full time job, living with my new partner, eating well and healthy. Then one day all of sudden the following started to happen to me every day..

I’d wake up and have an immediate urge for the bathroom, I’d be in there close to or over an hour, I’d be out of the bathroom for no more than 20-30mins before I was back in the bathroom again for over an hour. 

By that point I was left in excruciating pain, exhaustion and the last thing I could do was eat. Still in and out of the bathroom but no longer physically ill. I’m struggling in pain and discomfort. This keeps happening until late afternoon. 

By the evening I had no energy or appetite but I always attempted an evening meal – of which I could only manage a few mouthfuls before my stomach felt to uncomfortable, full and painful. I’d then spend hours pointlessly in the bathroom in pain, uncontrollable belching, heaving and vomiting. 

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I lost 3 and a half stone in 3 months at 18yrs of age. 

It took years for the doctors to diagnose it, including years of being their guinea pig for pharma. Nothing helped. I just suffered from the side effects of the drugs as well as them destroying my stomach lining and giving me ulcers. 

Mr Glow would spend hours on the phone at night to NHS Direct both googling all of the possible reasons I was being uncontrollably ill. 

My GP sent me up the hospital to have salt water administered many times because I couldn’t keep anything down and was at my lowest weight of 6 and a half stone.

Years later the doctors and hospital said there was nothing else they could do for me. I refused to leave the doctors office and cried ‘refer me back to the hospital then’ Dr replied ‘there’s nothing more we can do for you, we’ve tried every type of medication, you need to seek alternative help, it’s in your head.’ 

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I thought: 

I am physically ill everyday, I cannot eat or drink, I’m at my lowest weight under 7 stone and the doctors can’t even help me. How can it be in my head, I’m not making it up, I’m evidently physically ill, how can it be in my head?? 

After giving up on any hope of a future I spiralled into a dark depression. I had no friends, a boyfriend I pitied, a family sick with concern and a job with a handful of disciplinary’s for absence. 

I shut myself off from the world. I thought, how is it in my head? 

I then spoke to my mum and went back to the doctor. He booked an emergency mental health assessment where the assessor interviewed me for what felt like hours, deep questions about my entire life. 

She invited me back and explained that there’s a nervous system that I have no control over and whether I feel stressed or not it’s like a switch turned on one day and I cannot switch it off without retraining the brain with something like cognitive behaviour therapy. The therapy that is used for post traumatic stress PTSD, which the mental health assessor indicated I was suffering from but at the time I refused to hear it. 

This is when and where I learnt that something psychological can have a physical effect on you! 

The reason for it happening to me at this time of my life was unexplainable, I couldn’t be happier with my partner Mr Glow – it was my previous life that troubled me.. 

The mental health assessor explained a trigger can make it switch on at any time, even 20 years after an incident without warning. 

She prescribed me with some antidepressants to try and control the nervous system and pain but I’d already tried both types of antidepressant, all antispasmodics, anti inflammatories and a lot of pain relief. 

My body rejected everything and was suffering from years of a cocktail of medication on an empty and angry stomach. 

As seen on a Sussex Directories Inc site
I had to make a decision..I stopped all medication. 

Pharma didn’t help, didn’t even touch the pain, they carried dreadful side effects, sometimes leaving me wishing my life away. 

The doctors couldn’t offer anything they hadn’t already offered, somehow I had to cure myself or at least get to a point of where I can manage it. 

I applied for CBT cognitive behaviour therapy. It was intense but I wanted to do it. I attended a few meetings, after each meeting I’d be in more of a state than before I went in, all of my symptoms would flare up for weeks at a time and I couldn’t make 95% of my appointments because I was too ill to leave my home. 

Again I had to give up, I couldn’t be helped or help myself. 

I only had a hot water bottle and anything natural I could get my hands on to get me through ridiculous levels of pain. I spent years being sick, not being able to put solid or liquid past my lips without hours of consequences, being sick, uncontrollable belching, excruciating pain.

It may have taken years before anyone could tell me why I was being ill and even now I can barely get my head around it but the important thing to remember is I have the information so I can do something with it. 

I started to research all avenues of natural medicine. To this day I haven’t stopped. I am fascinated. I proudly and naturally treat my Chronic Illnesses.  I have been Pharma free for roughly 5 years.

*Keep an eye on my Blog to find out more about my natural daily routine – I will be writing about it soon

https://glowthinksoutloud.wordpress.com/

I broke my arm in 2013 which took two years to heal. For 1 year I couldn’t use my left arm, wrist, hand or fingers. The broken bones had squashed and stretched my radial nerve. The hospital left me in that state for a week before they operated – adding time to my healing process.. Fools! 

I woke up on my 23rd Birthday to a Morphine button in my hand after being operated on the night before.

A 12inch 10hole metal plate in the top of my arm down to my elbow. Protruding because my arm is so small and the metal plate is so big. 

After the operation there was no guarantee I’d ever get movement back so when I managed to lift a finger a little under a year later it gave me the strength to look forward to the next day and to the road of recovery (for my arm at least).

When I had full use of my fingers I was so happy that I could type again, something I was always good at. I dreamt of being able to get back to my old life of earning money, going to work and being normal. 

For the next two years I was determined to continue to get my life back, no help from doctors or pharma, just me.

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*Keep an eye on my Blog to find out more about how stress and anxiety basically paralysed me and my daily fight against it – I will be writing about it soon.

https://glowthinksoutloud.wordpress.com/

I started going to the local shop once a day. It took everything out of me to get myself ready and to get beyond my front door. 

After the death of my grandad I committed myself to seeing my nan once a week. I couldn’t get to hers until late afternoon, early evening because it’d take me that long to stop being repeatedly ill and build up the courage to leave the house. 

I then committed myself to Volunteering at a Girls Youth Group once a week with my sister and mum. 

This gave me so much joy! 

Whilst I was there, it didn’t matter what was going on in my life, I would feel joy. I was good at it so it was self rewarding. 

Regardless of all of this I still felt like my life would be nothing more because I could barely cope with what I was doing, which was next to nothing. I thought:

No job will take me, I will never be reliable.

A couple of years went past of trying to stick to a routine of my nans and the youth club once a week, every Tuesday. It was disheartening that despite all efforts I couldn’t get out of my flat until late afternoon. But I learnt that once I was out of the comfort from my home I wasn’t physically ill. 

This confused the ‘glow’ out of me. 

This was the wake up call I needed to understand it is in my head, it is psychological. How on earth can I control something so random. 

I kept testing and pushing myself. Setting myself little challenges like walking to the library or getting myself out of the house earlier than the day before. 95% of failed attempts at times would go down to 80% failed attempts. I was happy with my results because it showed at times I was gaining control. 

But it wasn’t enough, I was living a vicious circle of pain, sickness and uncontrollable anxiety. I couldn’t allow this to be my life or my partners life. We wanted more. It’s the only life i’d known since becoming an adult. 

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So I took an almighty leap ..

I found a part time job literally opposite my front door.

All I had to do was leave my front door, cross the one way road and straight ahead in through my works front door. 

It was a small quiet team and I could take a break anytime I wanted and it was less than 16 hours a week no more than 4 hour days to begin with. 

This was a huge learning curve in my journey so far!

I managed to turn up to my job every single time I was due in. I wasn’t stuck in their bathroom the entire time I was there. I just could not believe it. I was violently ill before and after work for hours but not at work apart from being in pain. 

I couldn’t see myself doing more than what I was doing because although I was surprising myself by doing it I felt extremely worn down, a second away from breaking point at all times. 

Every little thing I did was actually a huge task on my body, something as small as washing up or doing my hair would leave me not wanting to move for the rest of the day. 

I was ill and weak physically and mentally with my arm and the impact from my daily chronic illnesses. I was also still trying to figure out why this was happening to me and how to get past it or work with it. 

I then asked for more hours at work, I was going to shock my body back into action. I figured from my experience so far, that if I can get myself out in the morning I’ll be ok. More than anything I wanted better for myself and my partner. 

*Keep an eye on my Blog to find out more about the struggle we’ve experienced with money because of my health and the situations we’ve been left in over the years – I will be writing about it soon.

https://glowthinksoutloud.wordpress.com/

They couldn’t give me more hours apart from a whole day on a Saturday once a fortnight. This day I used as a test to myself, I convinced myself that if I can do one whole day at work I am capable of working full time again like I did when I was 18. 

I managed it, I was messed up for a couple of days after but I would always tell myself:

It doesn’t matter what you do, you’ll be ill anyway!

Strangely this helped me through the times I wanted to give up. What would giving up achieve, I’d be ill regardless, choices were to be ill whilst trying to live a better life or be ill and struggle. 

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I had to make one of the biggest and most conflicting decisions in my life.. Get a full time job. 

Huge part of me said I’m fooling myself – how can I be so stupid – I spend more of my day in the bathroom than anywhere else – who’s going to hire someone so unreliable? I kept fighting the negativity and applied for a few jobs.

Signing on at the agencies was a huge deal to me, strange as it may be, something so small and simple to you is a huge challenge to me. 

I got a call to start a job, no interview required and if they like me they would take me on permanent. 

I couldn’t believe what I’d done, what I’d gotten myself into, setting myself up for failure and I could lose so much. 

Fighting back the negativity I convinced myself I can take it a day at a time, I reminded myself of all of my accomplishments that got me to this point. 

I’ve now been there a year and a half, full time permanent. Like my dreams have come true. 

They don’t know what my life has been like or what I suffer with every day.  I did not disclose my medical information when I joined the company. The reality is a company will not take that risk with you if they have other options so I’m staying quiet until they need to know. 

I have amazed myself. 

My concern is proving to be this.. I’m terrified of losing it all. I haven’t got a back up plan. I am still physically ill everyday. 

For the first year I managed to sit at my desk for the 8 hours but I couldn’t eat a thing. Something I battle with and make great effort with every day. 

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An eating disorder did not make me ill but being ill has caused an eating disorder!!

My illness controls when and what I eat and that is not very much or very often. On top of that I no longer can stomach anything that is frozen, tinned, processed etc.. 

That’s a result of several years of research and educating myself on natural health. The doctors can’t help and the help they did provide only harmed me. Educating myself is all I can do.

There’s a lot of information out there about natural health, I wish I’d started there before dealing with pharma. 

After a year of running on nothing but coffee whilst working full time in a busy and demanding role, it was evident. I wanted to give up everything. I couldn’t go on as I was.

By Tuesday I felt like I was dying and I still had the rest of the week ahead of me, the stress, the pressure and anxiety was unreal. I had to take time off as holiday, because I didn’t get sick pay, as well as quite a few sick days. 

I knew I was doing amazing compared to before but it wasn’t good enough. I’m wasn’t reliable therefore I could lose my job. 

So I vowed to make every effort to eat. Regardless of how I felt, how stressed I was, how sick I felt, how tired I may be, this year I have tried to eat something every single day at work. 

Although, I feel like I’m ready to fall into a food coma after the smallest portion and struggle to get through the afternoon. I am in pain and uncomfortable but I am getting used to eating at lunch time.

Has it made my energy any better? No.
Has it made me any stronger? No.

Has it made a noticeable positive difference? No.
Am I happy I can eat lunch now? Yes!

*Keep an eye on my Blog to find out more about what I do/don’t and can/can’t eat – I will be writing about it soon.

https://glowthinksoutloud.wordpress.com/

The reality is I’m scared because the chronic pain is actually becoming unreal and all I have to treat it is natural resources. I’m still in pain all day every day, just different levels of pain. I’m still in the bathroom for hours after work. 

I then may or may not scrape together the energy to make myself dinner. If I do cook I may or may not find the energy to eat it. After dinner I feel awful. Like there is absolutely no way I am getting back up. I always fall asleep in my chair. 

chronic2
I breakdown most nights because I can’t take this anymore. 

After all these years of being physically ill every day as well as suffering with severe anxiety and chronic stress I’m finally starting to crack. 

My bones and muscles hurt so much. I’m so weak. Everything I do, even doing nothing hurts. I haven’t got the energy to fight the negativity or to find the motivation. 

It’s really difficult to keep picking myself back up. Sometimes I feel like I’m coping for a few days or a few weeks then I find myself in more pain, more ill and more weak. 

I get to the stage where I’m too sick to eat and to weak to try, especially after a working day. More than anything I know how to be healthy but it’s impossible to do in my situation. 

Any time I do have off of work at home I am ill the entire time. This includes evenings, weekends and booked time off. It is exactly how I mentioned at the beginning. So you can imagine how I feel when I return to work after my time off.

We are both working as hard as we can and paying off the debt that accumulated in the time I was too ill to work. I also have an overdraft I cannot climb out of. because I do not get paid enough. I’ve had too many sick days and I’ve used up my holiday to recover. 

I’m not happy in my current job. As I said, the pay is terrible. I just accepted it at the time because I needed a full time job. It’s gotten to a point where I feel like I cannot breathe. I hate this life. It’s honestly a daily battle. 

However, I will not let the negativity defeat me. I am looking and applying for a new job. I will do my best to jump any hurdle I face because of my Chronic Illnesses.

*Keep an eye on my Blog to stay up to date with my progress on my new journey – I will be writing about it soon.

https://glowthinksoutloud.wordpress.com/

I cannot imagine that I have made much sense but it is next to impossible to put into words this dark messy hole I call life. 

I’m at that age where I need to stand on my two feet so hiding away at home won’t get me anywhere. This is my life. 

I do not rely on anyone for help but I also need to accept help if there is any and offer help to others by sharing my story instead of living my life suffering in silence. 

chron5
I don’t know another soul who goes through what I go through every day. It’s messed up and hard to explain so I tend not to explain.

People assume I’m rude, lazy, antisocial, strange. I’m private and I still find it embarrassing to share this information with people I personally know. 

If I find it hard to get my head around it I don’t expect others to understand, I can only hope and pray. 

I can continue my daily battle against Chronic Illnesses knowing I am not alone and that sharing my story not only makes me stronger but can and will help others.

Thank you for reading. 

*Keep an eye on my Blog to find out more about me and my journey. I will be uploading my first original Go Fund Me story here, so you can see how I have progressed. I will also be providing more information about each one of my Chronic Illnesses;

https://glowthinksoutloud.wordpress.com/

#Glow #ANSD #ANS #FMS #Fibromyalgia #Autonomic #NervousSystem #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #ChronicStress #Stress #MusclePain #Abuse #Awareness #ShareMyStory #ShareYourStory #Support #WordPress #Update #OneYearLater 

Diatomaceous Earth – Research (Glow Health)

DIATOMACEOUS EARTH

Have you heard of Diatomaceous Earth before? 

DE

The word “diatomaceous” comes from the root word “diatom”, which is a single-celled organism. Diatomaceous earth is a chalk-like powder that is made up entirely of these diatoms that have fossilized over thousands of years.

 I am passionate about the benefits of DE and how unheard of it is. Collated from various YouTube videos and Health articles I have listed the risks and benefits of taking Diatomaceous Earth.

·        STRONGER NAILS
WHITER NAILS
LONGER NAILS

·        STRONGER HAIR
TREATS HEADLICE

THICKER HAIR
LONGER HAIR
IMPROVES BLOOD FLOW TO THE SCALP

·        DIMINISHES AGE SPOTS
DIMINISHES WRINKLES
DIMINISHES LINES

PLUMPER SKIN
FIRMER SKIN
FIRMER BREASTS/BREAST LIFT
PROMOTES SKIN HEALTH
USED AS A FACIAL EXFOLIATOR (ABRASIVE)
REDUCES ACNE

·        85% SILICA

·        TRACE MINERALS (ROUGHLY 20)
IRON, SILICON, CALCIUM, SODIUM, MAGNESIUM

·        NEGATIVE CHARGED IONS – ATTRACTS POSTIVE CHARGED IONS + SWEEPS IT OUT OF THE BODY LIKE –
FUNGI
PROTOZOA
VIRUSES
ENDOTOXINS
PESTICIDES
DRUG RESIDUES
ECOLI
HEAVY METALS
DISEASES
INFECTIONS
FLOURIDE

·        ALKALIZES THE BODY (CANCER DOES NOT THRIVE IN AN ALKALINE ENVIRONMENT)

·        IMPROVES DIGESTION

·        IT ALLOWS BETTER NUTRITION ABSORPTION

·        HELPS BALANCE HORMONES

·        LESS FATIGUED

·        LOWER BP + CHOLESTEROL

·        SWEEPS OUT MERCURY WHICH IS CONTINUOUSLY LEAKED INTO THE BLOODSTREAM FROM METALS IN THE TEETH LIKE FILLINGS

·        STOPS THE BODY FROM ABSORBING ALLUMINIUM DECREASING + PREVENTING THE RISK OF ALZHEIMERS DISEASE

·        REVERSES BALDNESS

·        REPAIRS, IMPROVES + MAINTAINS LUNG FUNCTION
REPAIRS LUNG TISSUE (PROTECTS US AGAINST POLLUTION)

COUGH DECREASING AGENT

·        REDUCES SWELLING BECAUSE OF IT’S POSITIVE INFLUENCE ON THE LYMPHATIC SYSTEM

·        REDUCES SWELLING OF THE LYMPHNODES IN THE THROAT

·        HEALS URINARY TRACT INFECTIONS

·        PREVENTS KIDNEY STONES

·        PREVENTS MENOPAUSE SIDE EFFECTS

·        DECREASES VERTIGO, TINITUS + INSOMNIA

·        REGULATES BOWEL MOVEMENTS

·        LESSENS GASTROINTESTINAL INFLAMMATION

·        CLEANS OUT THE COLON

·        TREATS DIAREAH + CONSTIPATION

·        STRENGTHENS BONES, TEETH, TENDONS + JOINTS

PREVENTS OSTEOPOROSIS

HELPS WITH ARTHRITIS + RHEUMATISM

·        SILICA IS REQUIRED FOR BLOOD VESSELS, CARTLIAGE, BONES + TENDONS
SILICA HELPS WITH SYNTHESIS OF COLAGEN USED TO FORM JOINTS, THE LINING OF THE DIGESTIVE TRACT + CONNECTIVE TISSUE + THE MINERALISATION OF BONE.

THIS NUTRIENT EVEN CONTRIBUTES TO ALMOST EVERY VITAL ORGAN
INCLUDING THE HEART, LIVER + LUNGS.
SILICA DESTROYS THE BAD FAT IN THE BODY NATURALLY
SILICA IS IMPORTANT FOR HEALTHY SKIN, HAIR + NAILS

·        USED IN TOOTHPASTE (ABRASIVE)
WHITER TEETH
GROWS  THE ENAMEL
HARDENS ENAMEL
PREVENTS CAVITIES
PRESERVES TEETH
PREVENTS BLEEDING GUMS

GUM RECESSION
GUM DISEASE

·        SUPPORTS HEART HEALTH

·        BUILD + REPAIR MUSCLES + BONES

·        PURIFIES WATER

FILTERS FINE PARTICLES

KILLS VIRUSES IN DRINKING WATER
USED IN WATER FILTERS

·        NATURAL PESTICIDE

·        NATURAL INSECTICIDE

·        RIDS ANIMALS OF HARMFUL ORGANISMS

DISCOURAGE FLEAS

·        SHARP EDGES UNDER A MICROSCOPE
SCRAPES AWAY PLAQUE, DIGESTIVE WASTE + OTHER TOXINS THAT SLOWS DOWN OUR BODIES INTERNAL PROCESSES
HARDER THAN DIAMONDS ON A SCALE

·        KILLS CANDIDA
BREAKS DOWN YEAST

·        REMOVES MUCUS + MOULD FROM THE INTESTINE WALLS

·        INCREASES ENERGY

 WARNINGS

DO NOT BREATHE IT IN (USE A MASK)
(SOME PEOPLE SAY FOOD GRADE IS NOT HARMFUL TO BREATHE IN BUT BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY)

START OFF WITH LESS THAN HALF A TEA SPOON
(SOME START WITH A TABLE SPOON)

GRADUALLY INCREASE TO HALF A TEA SPOON

DRINK A LOT MORE WATER THAN NORMAL THROUGHOUT THE DAY
(AVOID DEHYDRATION + CONSTIPATION)

AVOID A HEALTH CRISIS !!

A HEALTH CRISIS IS CAUSED BECAUSE ALL OF THE BAD BACTERIA, PARASITES + TOXINS ARE BEING KILLED OFF AT THE SAME TIME + THEY ARE BEING DISPOSED OUT OF THE BODY.

THIS CAN CAUSE FLU LIKE SYMPTOMS. PLUS AFTER READING OTHER PEOPLES TESTIMONALS THEY REPORT OTHER SIDE EFFECTS (HEADACHES, CONSTIPATION)

DIATOMACEOUS EARTH CAN BE ACCOMPANIED WITH BENTONITE CLAY + ACTIVATED CHARCOAL WHICH CARRY THE SAME BENEFITS AS WELL AS THEIR OWN BENEFITS.

THEY WORK TOGETHER. BENTONITE CLAY + ACTIVATED CHARCOAL WILL BOTH ALSO BIND + SOAK UP ANYTHING THE DIATOMACEOUS EARTH KILLS AND SWEEP IT OUT OF THE BODY.

DRINKING ENOUGH WATER WHILST USING DIATOMACEOUS EARTH WILL DISCOURAGE CONSTIPATION WITHOUT THE NEED FOR BENTONITE CLAY + ACTIVATED CHARCOAL.

STARTING OFF WITH A VERY SMALL AMOUNT – GRADUALLY INCREASING TO WHAT YOU FEEL YOU CAN COPE WITH.

CAN ADD TO WATER OR SMOOTHIES.

IT HAS NO ODOUR OR TASTE.

AT FIRST IT WILL INCREASE YOUR BOWEL MOVEMENTS BUT THIS WILL REGULATE ONCE IT’S REMOVED MOST OF THE BAD THINGS.

DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH

I found this information via my own research online (YouTube & Google Search) I wrote this myself. Always do your own extensive research and be as knowledgeable as possible before trying something new. 

Here is a link to the website for Diatomaceous Earth
https://www.diatomaceousearth.com

Small Steps..

Welcome To My Very First Post On My Very First Blog

My imagination is running wild ..
               a blank canvas & I have the paint brush.
YES, I am very passionate about everything I care about ..
               as you will soon see.
I feel like standing up & shouting "FREEDOM" ..
               so exciting.
A time to open up, soul search, reflect & think..
	       A diary - a journal - a piece of me.